Put some pictures together to put up on Douglas' wall the other day , but didn't get them done in time to hang them before he went to bed. Pics of cousins, and one each of Michael and I with him. The stack was knocked over before they could be hung, resulting in the shot above.
I grew up with a family that ate together every night, almost no matter what. Dad worked 8-5:30, made it home in time for dinner at 6, and sometimes went back into work afterwords. Or after meeting (church) if it was a meeting night. Time to talk about the day, communicate, relax, and enjoy.
I miss that time. I don't want that life but I miss that time. I miss having anything whatsoever in my life that I feel like I can count on. Look foward to. Seems the things that I keep expecting, like family time or a relaxed evening together, don't ever happen. I'm told that I have too many expectations, and that they bring disappointment. That's very true. But I'm told not to give up hope. I don't think I really ever do, but damn it I get tired of only hoping.
It's not true that I have *nothing* I can count on. I pretty well count on having Douglas wake up before me in the morning and come in to our room rubbing his eyes and remembering something from the day before. I can count on God to love me no matter what, and to pick up the pieces when I'm done falling apart. I refuse to write out all the negative things that I can pretty well count on, which is where my thoughts are trying to go, so I won't. I will hope, and learn to lower expectations. Then everything's gravy, right?