affected

I seem to be susceptible to movie influences these days, or perhaps it's because what I'm watching keeps touching on the idea of reinventing yourself, reawakening, or just plain 'cleaning your emotional house' which I'm doing some of. It's still the major part of 'meeting residue' cleaning going on I guess.

I watched Into the Wild last night, and ended up feeling rather suffocated and depressed. "Once", which I saw a couple weeks ago, produced a melancholy feeling. Both had strong elements of following something you're passionate about, whether it's music, a relationship, or shedding society's expectations. The joy of following your heart.

My husband decided to do just that, in taking a job next year for 4 months, that involves intense time/work in a museum in MA. He wanted to take the job from the very moment he heard about it, but we'd decided after quite a bit of discussion that it was just too complicated in terms of family, building management, and getting his own art done. Being immersed in creating art, albeit not his own, with other artists for 6 days a week, 3 weeks at a time, is intense. When he got the call that he had to make up his mind if he was in/out, I listened rather incredulously as he told them he was in for 4 of the 7 months offered, taking the summer off due to school being out. The passion to do it was apparently stronger than the decisions we'd made together, and the 'yes' came bursting out of him on the phone.

I'm muddling around now in the compromises and communications of marriage, and it's not a pretty week. It's hard being married to someone who has a passion, like art, that seems necessary for existence. He needs to create almost as much as he needs to eat. He withers visibly without it. As I don't have any comparable/defined passions like that and it's both hard to understand, and hard to balance. I've developed a pretty strong passion for getting daily, regular, time alone, but it's more a reaction to his than an innate need. Or is that true? I'm not sure. Perhaps it has more to do with the invasiveness of marriage on my psyche, and the responsibility of kids.

Signed,
The currently introspective muddler