spring fevers


the shooters, originally uploaded by herm007.

it's been a crazy day. days. week. month. life? that's another story. the weather today was suddenly summer. early summer, gorgeous, 70's, flip flops and t-shirts and dollar-store squirt guns. D had a playdate already scheduled, so we made the most of it outdoors. I filled water guns, doled out snacks, dodged water streams, and trimmed and trained huge draping rose-bushes in between. a perfect afternoon. the playdates mom called to say she'd be there in 20, and I knew they had a baseball practice to go to. i didn't check my phone, but after 30 minutes or so i started herding the boys to the gate to get D's friend ready to be picked up. his mom arrived in a panic, her other 2 kids in tow, and when i said i'd run in to get his things she snapped back that couldn't i just keep it till tomorrow? i assured her i could, she wouldn't let him take the squirt gun i said he could have (not appropriate for practice?), so he left in tears. i discovered 2 missed calls from her when i got inside, so apparently didn't hear my phone? hence the frustration that he wasn't ready to go. it's just a tiny thing, but i felt badly. felt like strike 3 and you're out, as there have been a couple small things like that in the last few months and i've felt the friendship that was growing between she/i start to fade. not things i feel guilty about, but things that are reasons (i believe) for her to back off.

i think a lot of is just that i'm feeling fragile. adjusting, but fragile. discovered yesterday that D gets out of school on june 26th!!! i thought it was early june. that means another whole month of solo (3 total) before we can move up there for a whole 6 weeks. we're going up for spring break week after next, which is good, but feels like not enough. his schedule is now 4 weeks on/5 days off, and still no phone. i want to cut loose and enjoy spring and running and all, and i do, but then lose it like I'm hormonal and pregnant, which i'm NOT.

i have lots of other thoughts but can't articulate them. not yet anyhow.

was asked today if my running was running away from something, as it seemed that way. i replied, honestly, that it started out that way (running away from responsibility for an hour at a time) but had grown into something i loved for it's own sake. and i do ... the longer the distances, the more i get into it, and crave it. eyeing my next pair of running shoes on ebay, a barely-used (10 miles) pair of the kind I like, at less than half of retail. as they retail for 120, it makes a difference, and I'm way overdue for a pair and can feel the lack of cushioning. 3 weeks till my half marathon! i am psyched for that, but no idea yet who can watch the kids. i'll need half a day of coverage, and my running buddy S, who's been a huge help, i'm afraid of maxing out her kindness. she keeps picking me up, taking me to the park or gym, loaning me her fab jogging stroller, and babysitting so i can run solo. we inspire each other which is perfect but she's doing a lot more babysitting than i am. such is life i guess. the friendship is going deeper as the running lengthens, and it's very good. so one good relationship developing at least :).

spring fevers. hot and cold and not always lucid. that's me.