i'm blogging instead of showering

go figure.  things got totally rearranged this week.  i was hoping to go to columbus to see my grandma, and meet up w/my mom there for 2 days, but mom got sick enough to not go.  so that’s tentatively rescheduled for next week, when it’s not spring break and when M is scheduled to work again.  after taking this week off.  not really in a position to have him not working when he could be. 

the housemate thing has gotten more dire, which means a change is likely coming soon.  i don’t feel free to blog too much about it.  i didn’t expect to have to feed him in addition to everything else, however.  yes we could kick him out, and no we haven’t yet.  leaving that decision to M if/when it comes to that.  trying to drill into his head that lying and hiding do NOT help, but so far it doesn’t seem to be sticking. 

had a very very weird experience sunday night.  felt like a direct spiritual attack, which i suspect it was.  we were on the bus going to my aunt/uncles to have easter dinner with them.  d and m were sitting together going over robot plans (an all-consuming thing now that he has motors to play with) while f and I were looking out the window and commenting on things.  the whole 12 minute ride was calm, harmonious, and pleasant.  i didn’t keep my usual eye on what was going on around me, but focused on my kids.  f pushed the button for our stop, and we walked towards the back door. 

a couple people were ahead of us, and the woman in front of me held the door for us.  she was probably about 65, smiled pleasantly at me as f and i were stepping off and said “it was so nice to listen to him talk!” in a really happy voice. 

i was slightly surprised as i hadn’t noticed her listening, or even where she sat, but smiled and said “thank you! it’s so nice to hear that.”  then her face changed suddenly to a very sour look and she said gruffly “actually i was being sarcastic, it was really quite annoying!” and then marched off down the street. 

I was dumbstruck for a second, and then said “hey, wait a minute! what are you talking about???”  I stared after her as she marched away, and stood there muttering “what was that?  what on earth was she talking about?”  M had heard her and laughed loudly, making sure she could hear.

It felt so bizarre, i didn’t know what to think for a couple minutes.  we debated following her for a second, then shrugged it off and went on our way.  i found myself with tears welling up a minute later, feeling like someone had taken their claws out and run them across my heart.  it felt so very pointed and poisonous.  i honestly think she was either unbalanced, extremely bitter about something, or even possessed.  whatever it was, she wanted to ruin the nice thing she’d seen. 

i don’t want to make it into more than it is, but it made me feel a lot like i did in 3rd grade when some creep in my class decided he didn’t like me for some unknown reason, and spit on my face when i was walking home for lunch.  i came home with the spit running down my cheek, afraid to touch it, and mom cleaned me up and told me something comforting that i can’t remember.  perhaps i’m just naieve. there may be no sense to be made of it, but it sucked.