treading water

been treading water the last few weeks.  canning, enjoyed, finished.  2 bushels and it still won’t be all we use, but enough.  school starts tomorrow.  i got depressed this time last year too.  feeling locked into the school schedule, another year here, little chance to get out, and little visible progress on moving.  i still have no doubts as to it happening, but struggling to keep my heart here and engaged.  no big projects, no big goals other than the very distant-seeming one of moving out to the country, no passions, just treading water.  i get angry at it after awhile, not finding something to sink my teeth into.  less the teeth-sinking than the feeling inspired and motivated really.  no passions.  watching my husband and his never-wavering one of making art.  jealous of it to be honest.  knowing i can pitch on more on the biz end of that, and that i’d enjoy it.  but enough?  not sure.  being itchy doesn’t run a happy house.  supposed to be my alone night and i can’t even muster myself to leave to do anything.  this i will regret.