After 96 years of being her delightful self, my Grambie passed away on Saturday. I had the chance to say goodbye over the phone, though she wasn’t responsive. It was her time, no doubt about it, but despite all the mental prep it hit hard. I leave in the morning to go celebrate and remember her with my family, and I’m looking forward to spending time with them despite the reason.
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A day in the life, the new-ish life that is
Not all pics are from today, this was a sunset last week some time …
The alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, and as usual it was a brutal up-rising … car to warm up, food and sundries to throw at M as he packed his bag, jackets to find, and warm sleepy boys to drag out of bed and into the car. It’s Monday, and that means time to send Dad back into the city for the week. He has to catch at train at 6am to get into Manhattan for 9am, and the drive to the station is about 40 minutes. By the time he’d run back into the house for his phone and charger, we got on the road, crept over the bridge, and raced down hwy 97 entirely too fast (IMHO) for the fog and dark and lurking deer. I munched cold granola and started to fall asleep, trying not to wake up completely but knowing it was a losing battle.
Home, yes, it's home already ...
What a week! Today marks the first full week in our new place, and it’s been a crazy whirlwind. I still don’t have my real voice back, perhaps the husky raspy thing goes along with plaid jackets and chopping wood? Not sure, but it’s here for now. I’m slowly recovering my sleep and general energy, but trying to take it easy. I curled up on the couch today with a book, rather than unpack a few of the lingering boxes. They’ll keep :).
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Packing up, oh the joys ...
It gets worse before it gets better, right? This is Fynn’s idea of how to sort his drawings … really helps you feel like you’re making progress. It always seems like the point at which the papers and legos are scattered the farthest is when the landlord calls to say the realtor will be through in 2 hours with another possible tenant who wants to see the apartment. I go on a crazy cleanup binge so that they can at least walk from one end of the house to the other without breaking an ankle, but it starts to get a bit old.
he's off again, and so are we ...
he’s packed for camp, and leaves in the morning for 3.5 weeks. we all know now how it’s going to feel, so he’s beyond giddy, and i’m a little quiet. it will be good. we haven’t been able to savor summer together yet as we’ve been on the go so much, i haven’t once managed to take them to the pool down the street, though i hope to manage that with at least Fynn in the next few weeks. it’s just not that kind of summer
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zapped, but recovering
it’s been a crazy few weeks, and i’m just now surfacing to face everyday life again. sort of :). there have been trips, and we leave for another brief one tomorrow. this summer seems crazier than any i can remember, but that’s probably because a move is imminent and we’re not exactly sure yet where we’re going. we’ve narrowed it down considerably though, and that helps tremendously. i don’t feel quite so lost and adrift.
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Happiness Tuesday ... joining the fray
I always enjoy Bridget’s Happiness Tuesday posts, and so here is one of my own.
Happiness is lazy, sunny mornings.
the boys of summer, and where's my margarita again?
The sprinklers are on, the heat is here, and school is out … how’s your summer going so far? We’re in the thick of trips and playdates and visitors and parties, and it feels good but a little crazy. I’m looking forward to things settling down a bit, but honestly it doesn’t look much like it’s going to for awhile.
What were your summers like as a kid? I remember long days of games and the backyard pool and firefly catching. Books too, lots of books. Speaking of which, if you haven’t checked out Bridget’s new book On a Hot August Afternoon yet, please do. It’s a great summer read, and as she points out in a recent blog post, one of the central themes is assumptions. How we make them all the time, and yet really have no idea what the whole story is. It really relates to parenting and relationships, and how we tend to judge or jump to conclusions when it’s the last thing we’d want someone to do to us.
heading east again
The computer is the last thing to be packed up, and I’m sneaking in a quick post before the boys bolt for the dock again, instead of getting in the car. We’re heading back East this afternoon, but taking it in a couple of stages to visit more family on the way back.
Q of the Week: What is/was your relationship with your mom like?
Fynn’s dinner plan, which didn’t actually get made in the end, he opted for soup. Can you guess what it is?*Mother’s Day is over, I hope yours was a good one? The highlight of mine was my boys making me both breakfast and dinner, which I thoroughly enjoyed. A brief nap in the sun in the backyard was also delightful!
I know the day can be fraught with many things, if you’ve lost your own mom or a child, or long for kids, or whatever your burden may be, I hope there was joy in it somewhere. In thinking about all that I got to wondering what your relationship with your own mom is, or what did it used to be? I know it’s likely to run the gamut, and changes over time, but I’m really curious. Best friends and first person you call? Brief contact? None at all?
Is that really freedom I see back there?
Of ships and trees and translucent boys
The sun was warm, the company good, the wine perfectly sweet. Soaking up family … both my own, and my own. Where I come from, and what we’re creating. Heritage, progeny. Talk of family trees and ancestors, mixed with the barefoot patter of my boys as they hunted for eggs.
Milestones pass, kicked up by the flying feet of my children
My DOV turned 10 this weekend. Firstborn, long-limbed and crazy and beautiful. How did this happen? How did you make me into a mother, and I not even notice? Ten years of mothering tangled under my feet, and wrapped around my heart. Friday roundup, which stalled in the starting gate ...
Here we are, another Friday, and I’ve not posted all week. Can’t say why really. Some of the things running through my head though, for your random pleasure …
Am I hitting the edges of menopause, God help me, and if so am I really really done having kids? Hm? Really? Not 100% sure, but close, still that shred of doubt makes me wonder if and when I’ll regret it.
because parenting is about breaking AND building
the usual level of chaos in my boys’ room …The banner image above came from this lovely shot of my boys’ room the other day, as they were documenting the destruction of a large block tower. Destroying it by shooting it down with a bow and arrow, or course. They build, they destroy. They build, they destroy. It’s a pretty endless cycle, and one that drives my let’s-do-something-and- finish-it mentality right up the wall. I don’t like mess and clutter, I never have. Well, not since I had my own place anyway, don’t ask my mom about the state of my room when I was in my teens as you might get a different story! It never looked like this though, I can guarantee that. Boron, Silicon, and Carbon; patterning my week
Silly Putty, in case you’re wondering …“You’re never excited about ANYthing, Mom!” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t remember what they were a response to, it probably involved some comment I’d made sarcastically about being thrilled about some project I had to work on that related to him somehow. I know, not a comment I should have been making in the first place, great way to make them feel like crap.For the love of visitors ...
We’ve had family here for most of the last week, and it’s been delightful. Cousins the same age to play together, and my sis all to myself! Best kind of holiday/birthday present in my book. I let my birthday slip by on Sunday with GF cayenne-chocolate cupcakes at the end of our holiday open-house, and that was all the recognition I wanted. Breakfast in bed thanks to Douglas was a huge treat the next morning too!
The two yahoos in the pic above managed to compete each other into a frenzy of yes-no-yes-no-yes-no more times that I can count, but they do come by it honestly :). Aside from party planning and cleaning and such, we did manage to make some forays out in the city to take a break from the massive Risk games and fort-building going on a home.
The polarization of the holidays
I’ve started to see a trend in the holiday season, and this year is proving no exception. You know the whole “holiday spirit” thing, and how people are supposedly friendlier and cheerier in general during the month of December? In the last few weeks I’ve had experiences on the bus, the subway, and in the post office, that make me doubt the overall pervasiveness of this fairy dusting of cheer. Sure it’s there for many, and real, but I’m seeing the other side of things too.
of boys and trees and friday night fun
no, they weren’t at all excited …We managed to get the tree bought, up, and trimmed in one night, a miracle for us! Our only holiday tradition seems to be that we don’t ever do it the same way twice, and sometimes don’t do (the tree bit) at all. This is a tree year however, and we did make ornaments so Friday night was the designated purchase/haul home evening. I hate the mirror ...
Douglas with his first design… and I’m not talking about the one hanging over my bathroom sink, though I don’t often love what I see there either. I’m referring to that thing that happens when your mood, no matter what it is, is reflected by your kids. It’s like taking a bad mood and amping it up x10, because that’s what seems to happen. It’s not just a reflection, it’s an explosion! I get frustrated and speak sharply, or yell, and they start fighting with each other, whining, and talking back. And then there’s the real wince when I hear my own tone, that harsh and nasty tone, coming right out of my son’s mouth. I hate it when that happens!