I’m tired of feeling fickle. There seems to be a statute of limitations on my ability to focus on one idea/project/profession for more than a few years at a time. At the awesome Brooklyn Blog Fest last night (more on that later) I had trouble describing myself. No hesitation in saying “I blog at SaneMoms.com, and it’s about the Who Am I / Who Was I dilemmas of being a mom. I started it because I had issues with that myself when I became a mostly-SAHM” That part’s easy.
Moving right along, things tend to progress to “well, when you’re not being a SAHM what else do you do?” There’s the problem. I’ve been a life coach, mostly to moms, for the last 5 years. It’s been great, and I’ve loved doing it. I make some money at it, but honestly struggle with the whole ‘selling myself’ concept, and sabotage my own sales at times because of it. I hate the marketing quite frankly, and wish I didn’t ever have to do it. Oh miracles of word-of-mouth, where are you? Close your eyes, and they will come, right?! Right. Just not my thing, marketing. Which is funny considering I spent 10 years in corporate marketing departments. But I digress … the point is I’m bored with coaching. THERE. I said it.
Whew. I want to change my mind, change my profession, and having done so quietly on the site side, I’m having trouble admitting it out loud. I did say it a few times last night, that I “used to be a life coach” and it honestly felt good. I’m not turning away coaching clients at the moment, but not seeking them either. I’ve been keeping busy enough with word-of-mouth web work that I’m not twiddling my thumbs either.
Why is there an automatic guilt associated with changing my mind on a career? Part of it is, I suspect, the steady direction and dedication of my parents, who have been doing the same exact things for almost 31 years now. An even bigger part is that I suspect this web direction won’t last more than a few years either. I’ll get bored and move on. I reach a certain level of proficiency, find the routine aspects tiresome, and decide to try something else. Does that make me fickle? Scared of true success? Easily bored? I’m not sure the labeling matters, but I’d rather not feel guilty about it.