Quick Favor Request for Darah

One of our very own writers, Darah (aka The Warrior Mom), is up for a Best of Blogs award in her home state of Florida!  Can you take a sec to help her win?  Deets below, and thanks in advance!

To vote for Darah’s blog before closing at 10AM EST April 11th, go to this link:

http://interactive.sun-sentinel.com/best-of-blogs/2011/voting/?vote_for=205#205

Scroll down to “Family Blogs,” and look for “The Warrior Mom” blog.  You need to create a username and password to vote.  You won’t be solicited for anything and Darah really appreciates you taking your time to do this!  Thank you!

When the Tables Start to Turn (by Darah)

For years I had been so focused on mothering my own kids—reading, observing, conversing with peers, and essentially learning all that I can about all this monstrous job entails—that it never occurred to me that I could put those same skills to good use to help me better understand my own mother.  As a mother, I am constantly striving to improve my abilities to communicate with and relate to each one of my kids and the respective stages {crises} they are going through.  Having survived so many intense experiences myself in so few years, {which will all be presented in my not-yet published memoir,} admittedly, I realize that I have become hardened to the sensitivities of others. 
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Writer's Block (by Darah)

Many people ask me from where I get my ideas and how I choose my topics. Frankly, I haven’t the luxury of time or serene lifestyle that enables me to simply inhale deeply, face my computer, and “begin the creative process.” The reality is that as I go about my hectic days, thoughts will suddenly “pop” into my head. I’ll imagine converting a stressful moment or funny situation into a blog article.

First Scenario
I’m driving in the car with several of the children and something they say or do is the impetus for an article idea. “What a great piece that would make —so darn funny and everyone can relate.” I mumble to myself psychotically, cracking up all alone.
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Would You Like Some ... Ways to get your kids to listen? (by Darah)

Tired listeners …In today’s world where reality and cyber-reality intersect and co-exist, parents need to be creative and stay one step ahead when it comes to maintaining communication with their children.  For example, many kids nowadays prefer electronic forms of communication—texting, instant messaging and tweeting—as a means of “developing and sustaining” relationships in lieu of old fashioned face-to-face conversations and eye contact. We parents cannot change the ways in which our children prefer to receive, process and deliver information. If we want to keep the lines open, we’ve got to speak their language.

Depending on the child’ age and maturity level, here are a few creative techniques parents can use to “be heard.” 

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“Boy Cheese” and other Little White Lies I Tell my Kids (by Darah)

Little Lie Number 1

“It’s called g-r-i-l-l-e-d cheese,” I repeated for the twentieth time, not “g-i-r-l cheese.” It didn’t matter; his young ears couldn’t hear the difference. And, most importantly, he didn’t want to eat it because it was for girls.  “OK then,” I scoffed in resignation, trying not to appear exasperated. “I’ll make you a Boy Cheese sandwich.”  “Oh yeah, Mommy!” he cheered licking his lips.

Eureka! And that is how it all began. The little lies.

I realized that if I use their nomenclature coupled with their vivid imagination, I’ll succeed in getting through to them.

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An Open Letter to Myself Ten Years from Now (by Darah)

Dear Self,

I know you are overwhelmed. Caring for five young children, maintaining the house, launching a new career, being a wife, friend, and daughter — all in a day’s work — is grueling. Your eyes are always bloodshot from the chronic sleep deprivation and the dark circles cannot be masked with any amount of concealer. Yet, believe me when I tell you this: you will yearn for these days ten years from now.
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The Warrior Mom Gets Down and Dirty (by Darah)

I surrendered to my fate — for a couple of hours today.  You see, I “survive” in a chaotic environment overrun by children — five active ones ages nine and under- to be specific.  In my parallel fantasy world, I am an accomplished writer/author and business owner. However, reality has me in it’s tenacious grip as I struggle to juggle all of my hidden desires with my actual responsibilities - one of those being “housework.”   No, it is not glamorous and I didn’t have to obtain a Master’s degree to study the “art of cleanliness” or intern for a prestigious Fortune 500 company to “learn the ropes” on how to execute the proper technique.

But, it must get done.  And, my motto has always been “if you’re going to do something, do it well … and take pleasure in it.”
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Tranquility Can Be Found in the Oddest of Places - All You Need is to be in the Right State of Mind (by Darah)

Peace and tranquility can be found anywhere and is in the “mind of the beholder.”

Each year I get an MRI of the brain as a follow up to my surgery. I had this done the other night. I scheduled it for the end of the evening so I could first get everything done for all the little and big people in my life.

It was 8pm and I was waiting in the MRI Lounge enjoying a good read in a national magazine when they called me in.  As usual, by this time of night, I was weary and drained from all that tending to five young children entails.  Nonetheless, the technician started to prep me about taking off my jewelery, removing all metal objects, how to breathe, how to stay motionless, composed, etc.; I knew the drill.  He was assessing my mental state to ensure that he wasn’t going have to sedate some frantic claustrophobic once shoved inside the tunnel for a solid hour.
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Why I hate feeding my toddler (by Darah)

Let’s face it.  Feeding toddlers is no fun.  The parent must be completely “unplugged” as this is one stressful endeavor that demands our undivided attention.

My two year-old is too busy for food; sitting down to a proper meal is never on her agenda.  If it were up to her, she’d happily spend the day grazing. Getting her through a “sit-down meal” is exhausting and oftentimes, I wonder if it’s more trouble than it’s worth!

This precocious active kid has bounds of energy whether she eats her “square meal” or not.

I know, I know, the rationale extends beyond the actual nutrition and eating habits- it’s the cultivation of manners, table etiquette, establishing rituals, etc, etc.

In spite of the above, the five reasons I dread feeding my beloved two year-old are:

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Embrace the Chaos - Surrendering Lessons from a Type A in remission! (by Darah)

Before having children I was efficient, punctual and tidy.  Known as “controlling” by those closest to me -- a textbook Type A. 

Evolution has since exerted its influence and old standards have been re-evaluated. With the entrance of each newborn child into the family commune, a little piece of my old self has been discarded. Thrust into this structure-less Type B system while maintaining composure is my perpetual quest — for if I don’t adapt, I will perish.

Five tips on how to surrender
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Recession-Lessons = Stronger Smarter Family (by Darah)

Image courtesy of MyEyeSees, via FlickrEverybody is pouting about the Recession and how it has negatively impacted their lives. I get it. Perhaps I am no longer moping since we were the Recession Pioneers; we actually began downsizing our lifestyle twenty-seven months ago, were “beaten beyond recognition” and now have only one direction to go from here- UP!

Nevertheless, our sulking time is long gone!

Being such “Seasoned Veteran Recession-ists,” our family’s coping methods have evolved over time; now they’ve become the quintessential Recession Survival Skills.

Here is a concise list of some “Recession-Lessons” learned that have unexpectedly enhanced our family life and continues to school our kids in business …
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Tip of the Week : Disconnect Completely to Reconnect Fully (by Darah)

After nine full days away from my husband, children and daily life responsibilities, I have realized that the only way to truly find happiness is by disconnecting completely and spending some time ALONE - rediscovering you. Prior to my long-awaited “hiatus” I was misguided. I told myself I would spend my precious few days off considering alternative forms of discipline for my “challenging few,” analyze my marriage, and life in general. My original goal was to return full of great ideas about how I was going to fix my flaws and change the world for the better - starting with my own family.
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Q of the Week : What do you do when someone else parents your kids? (by Darah Z.)

Have you ever been in a situation where a stranger took it upon herself to either instruct your kid or blatantly scold them in front of you? It’s uncomfortable and complicated indeed- on so many levels. First, if your ego doesn’t completely overtake you and send you on a rampage to tell that person where they can “stick” their unsolicited advice, you may feel inadequate as a parent. Why didn’t I address that issue with my kid first? Secondly, perhaps that other person is a friend, co-worker, acquaintance or other parent and has something valuable to offer- something you hadn’t thought of. Lastly, how is this total disregard for your status interpreted by your child?

Of course, when one takes it upon himself to discipline your kid in your absence that’s one thing; when it is done in your presence - that’s another story.
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Please Welcome ...

Heather SobieralskiDarah Zeledon… two new regular Contributors to SaneMoms!  You’ve read their words several times over the past few weeks, but a formal welcome (and huge thanks from me!) to Darah Zeledon and Heather Sobieralski.  Darah’s a well-travelled mom of 5 who has a humorous take on the Chaos Chronicles, while Heather has stories from the What-happened-to-me-now-that-i’m-a-mom Corner that will keep you reflecting and enjoying.  They’ll continue to add fresh perspectives and wit and wisdom to the blog, coming from their unique backgrounds as women and moms.  You can read more about them here.  Welcome aboard moms!

Fostering Indepencence in Kids : Can it ever be too much? (By Darah Z.)

(I think this is an important and timely issue to address, especially with all the debate between “helicopter” moms and “free-range” moms, and the issues of safety, creativity and independence that are being argued.  Let’s hear your thoughts! Mine are in the comments … — Sanemom)

By Darah Zeledon

Today I noticed my 26 month-old daughter disrobing and removing her own diaper. I had to stop her just short of wiping and changing herself.

My first thought was - if she’s willing to clean and diaper herself, what the heck is she still doing in these things anyway?

My second thought was - is she ahead of the “curve” in terms of self-sufficiency? Is this normal?

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Embrace the Resistance (by Darah Z.)

If you’re a runner or a cyclist, you’ll be able to relate to this well.  Have you ever begun your run or ride and realized immediately that you were working so damn hard and making little progress?  You feel yourself exerting tons of energy and yet, the wind resistance is so unrelenting that you struggle to advance anything.

At this point you begin to question your ability to run or pedal and start eyeing your watch.  You entertain thoughts of returning home to an obscenely oversized bowl of ice cream and call it a day. 

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Transforming Into a Sloth (guest post by Darah Z)

Chronic sleep deprivation is a very insidious enemy. At least it is in my case. I would say that I average about 4-6 hours a night with fifty percent of the time it being abruptly interrupted several times. My three year old son has some “issues” and each night awakens various times demanding to sleep in my bed. He claims that his bed is uncomfortable, there are bugs biting him in his room, he wants a bowl of cereal, and that I am a princess and he wants to sleep with me. I know, that last one sounds so tender and loving, but not at 3 o’clock in the morning!
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Almost forty and more defiant than ever! (guest post by Darah)

Thanks to Darah Zeledon for this one, don’t miss her links at the bottom!

As I approach the ripe old age of forty, I will begin to entertain all the existential questions about my life- how I´ve led it until now and what is in store for the future. As romantic and appropriately-timed as this may sound, I honestly cannot truly begin to address these issues because I cannot get past the fact that I am just a year away from forty!

I mean, my parents were always forty and they were full-fledged adults talking about mortgages, Tupperware parties, cruise-ship vacations to the Bahamas and car pool schedules. You know, boring stuff that as a kid, I swore to myself that I would never utter a word about such mundane trivialities.
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