Who's Your Audience?

At the  playground last week (before it got too bitterly cold to go) my older son was  playing with some of his school friends. There was an argument of some sort, and  as his voice rose in disagreement, I saw him look over my direction to see if I  was noticing. A shake of my head made him scowl and look away, and they were  soon off and running again. It reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about  a lot recently ... who is my audience?

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Crossing the Line

During a  getaway last week that involved 5 boys under the age of 11, my emotions were  stretched to the extreme in both directions. As the week wore on, tempers flared  in both me and my older son, resulting in words better left unspoken. I found  myself requesting things of him that set off arguments, and then regretting ever  drawing the "do it or else ... " line.

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How Well Connected Are You?

I take joy  in random connections. Sharing a grin on the subway. Finding an old friend by  chance on the street. Having a new acquaintance say "I know exactly what  you mean!" The more I travel, join online communities, and buy into the global  economy, the more I'm technically connected to other humans. I have a nice long  list of contacts and a healthy Linked-In  network. But am I really connected?

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Great Day for UP!

My older son  likes the book by Dr. Seuss called Great  Day for Up! which is full of cheerful chatter about who is up and   what great things can be done with the day. I've always found the book slightly  annoying in it's "morning cheeriness," which grates against my decidedly non -morning personality. That personality is about to be tested again as  my son started pre-K today, and the unstructured summer days are gone. You  "morning people" know who you are, and I wish often that I could join your  ranks.

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Heritage, Community, and Family

Holding my  newborn son a couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly struck with the realization  that a long-term hole in my heart was no longer empty. It wasn't the "wanting  another baby" hole, it was the one shaped like "I want to be part of a  community, and know and be known for what role I play." Until my early 20s that  hole was filled by my church interactions, but things changed and my role was no  longer a clear or satisfying fit for the longing I had. Enter Fynn, and a life  with 2 kids, and suddenly I knew my role and feelings as a mother would never  change, no matter what happens, and that my role in my immediate family was my most satisfying label.

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E for Extreme Effort

During the  birth of my son 12 days ago, I wasn't exactly focused on the details of the  process or lost in analysis. I spent the 10 hours it took in one of two places  ... either lost in the intensity of the moment, or thinking about the end result  of getting that baby out of there and in my arms.

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Managing Your Time

Between the  rapidly approaching birth of my next child, a friend who is getting married in  five days, and clients tackling various priority and scheduling issues, it feels  like its time to talk about time! I met a man at a party on  Memorial Day who was quite emphatic that in this country (and NYC in particular  I think) we’ve lost sight of the ideal time-management equation. He declared  that the best scenario was eight hours each of work,  sleep,  and relaxation  should make up your day. While I stood there and mentally computed all the  things that must then fall under the category “relaxation” in my life, I did  have to concede that he had a point. How do we spend our time?

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Memories

Last  weekend, I had the privilege of getting together with my parents, siblings, and  their families. As with any reunion, it generated various “do you remember”  discussions, and I began to notice how varied our memories were of very specific  events. What makes us remember some things and have no recollection of others?  What are memories for anyway? What do we do with the bad ones?

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Renewal : Shedding : Peeling

Spring is  finally here (in my corner of the world at least) and I’m more than ready for  it! I stared in denial at the enormous flakes of snow flinging themselves past  my window this morning, and am relieved to see that it’s gone already. The tulip  tree and pansies are still standing, and even look a bit fresher than yesterday.  I always find that spring makes me itchy, in an enjoyable sort of way. I have  the urge to clean, throw out, rearrange, and generally turn everything inside  out. This year it’s compounded by being 6 months pregnant, so the ‘nesting’ urge  is added to the fray. So renewal ... making new again.

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Setting Boundaries

For those of  us with kids, that term has all kind of connotations associated with it. In  parent-speak, it’s defining the limits of where, when, and what your children  are allowed to do. Setting limits until they learn to set them for themselves.  But do we ever learn? I’m beginning to wonder.

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Catalysts for Change

I received a  request last week from a former classmate/colleague of mine that really struck a  chord with me. Nate is a design expert, and evangelist for innovation and  change. He recently submitted  a proposal to write a manifesto at www.changethis.com,   and asked me to vote for it so that it will have a chance to be published. I’m  often skeptical about such requests, but trusting Nate not to waste my time, I  clicked over and read the following ...

“Disasters make change. They particularly defined 2005, from the Asian  Tsunami to Hurricane Katrina. They galvanized attention and simultaneously  provoked a drive for innovation, whose essential value is betterment ....  Bottomline: They incite change. What lessons are afforded by disasters to  innovators? This manifesto aims to provide these essential, and reoccurring,  truths that contribute to the quality of not only things, but also people and  places. Disasters displace, but what is never displaced is the need to make  life better. This need, whatever the scale and wherever the setting, is  shared by all of us, who possess the power to innovate.”
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Carolinda and the Captain

Well, what’s  your story going to be this year? Are you writing one or reading one? Or maybe  just looking at the cover and wishing you had the time to read? I’ve come  across many little clues in the last month that are pointing me in the now direction. What do I mean? Life is now, not when I get my life ‘together’.  There is joy possible in every moment. What are you waiting for? Next year?!  It’s about the choices we make every day, every morning, every moment. What do I  Accept? Do? Want? Feel? They’re my choices, and in front of me all the  time.

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In the Rear-view Mirror

We had good  friends over for dinner a couple of weeks ago that we hadn’t spent any quality  time with in several years. It was so good to catch up, enjoy memories, and find  out what was new! One question I was asked was “what’s the most significant  thing going on in your spiritual life?” Not exactly the kind of question with a  ready-made answer, and I took awhile to form my thoughts (and even longer to  share them). Don’t you find that digging for answers or sharing a single memory  can touch off a landslide of thoughts, feelings, and remembrances? It certainly  does for me, and in answering my friend’s question I found the thoughts coming  faster than I could convey. My final answer? I realized that walking away from a  group that was acting selfishly and bitterly does absolutely nothing for me if  I’m acting selfish and bitter myself. Rather simple point, but a profound one  for me.

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Alone Time

I’ve been  meaning to write for months on a pet subject of mine ... getting time alone.  Perhaps I focus on it more than some, having a husband and small child and  living in NYC, but I do think it is a very common issue. You may have more of it  than you’d like, but for almost all of my clients, there’s never enough.  I believe there are two kinds of time that are vital to my sanity, and it took  me 30 years to figure that out. What are they? Solitary time and Alone  (responsibility-free) time.

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Ball Bearings and Claws

At a  friend’s birthday party last week, I ended up watching an old Peter Sellers  movie called The Party. Full of fumbles, sight gags, and awkward moments,  there comes a point where the main character is attempting to repair a toilet he  just broke, and gives a tug on the roll of toilet paper. It promptly starts  spinning at an alarming rate and empties the entire roll onto the floor. Someone  else watching the movie with me made the comment “they don’t make ball bearings  like that anymore!” Pair that with the Ellen DeGeneres comedy routine where she  refers to the claw that you have to contort your hand into when trying to  retrieve a shred of toilet paper from those jumbo commercial dispensers, and no  matter what you only get 2 or 3 squares at a time. There you have a lovely pair  of examples of the extremes of momentum.

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Befriending the Red Herring

A friend of  mine recently wondered if there was actually such a thing as a red herring, and  did a Google  image search to see one. What he turned up first was the painting you see  here, Befriending the Red Herring by L. Kelen. He was so entranced and  amused by the whimsey that he promptly purchased it. I don't know what the  artist intended, but think the image makes a great point. Have you befriended  any red herrings lately?

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Following Your Intuition ...

While  waiting for an appointment yesterday, I picked up a book in the waiting room. It  was entitled "Blink:  The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell. I was  thoroughly engrossed by the time the woman I was meeting with showed up, and had  to tear myself away. The premise of the book was that we have the ability to  make instant decisions "in the blink of an eye" that are good, accurate, and  valid ... based on information that we're not conscious that we've collected and  processed. The idea caught my attention, and meshed well with the things that  percolated in my head while away on vacation last week ... about living fully in  the present, rather than planning, plotting, or worrying about the future for  much of my day.

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Finding Your Motivation

When was the  last time you felt really motivated? That feeling of wanting to do something so  badly that everything else could wait as you focused on accomplishing your goal?  I had one of those experiences a couple of weeks ago when I decided, at the last  minute, that the best possible gift for a baby shower the following day was a  handmade baby quilt. Everything about the project appealed to me that day ...  cutting and handling the silk, piecing it together, making something tangible  that would be loved and enjoyed, and being creative. What was my motivation? It  came from many things ... the desire to create, avoiding shopping with a cranky  3-year- old, watching the budget, the love of silk, love for the woman who I was  making it for, and a distinct lack of time. What I didn't do was focus on all  the reasons it was an impractical, crazy, or exhausting idea. I felt  great!

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If You're Happy and You Know It ...

My son was  watching a Richard Scarry video this morning as I was doing my usual rushing around, getting  ready to leave the house. He's watched it countless times, but I've never  managed to sit through the entire thing. This morning one song caught my   attention, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands", which I sang many  many times as a child in Sunday School, and always followed with "If you're  happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it ..." In the version I  heard this morning, the first verse was followed by "If you're angry and you  know it, stomp your feet", which made me pause a moment. I muttered to my  husband, "Since when do kids need to be taught to stomp their feet when they're  angry?"

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Rested

What do you  think of when you see that word? Envy? Vague nostalgia? Familiar comfort? When  did you last feel truly rested, and woke up feeling recharged, content,  and ready to enjoy the day? If you're having trouble remembering, then read  on.

Rest is more  than just going to bed at a good hour. Read More