At the playground last week (before it got too bitterly cold to go) my older son was playing with some of his school friends. There was an argument of some sort, and as his voice rose in disagreement, I saw him look over my direction to see if I was noticing. A shake of my head made him scowl and look away, and they were soon off and running again. It reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently ... who is my audience?
Read MoreCrossing the Line
During a getaway last week that involved 5 boys under the age of 11, my emotions were stretched to the extreme in both directions. As the week wore on, tempers flared in both me and my older son, resulting in words better left unspoken. I found myself requesting things of him that set off arguments, and then regretting ever drawing the "do it or else ... " line.
Read MoreHow Well Connected Are You?
I take joy in random connections. Sharing a grin on the subway. Finding an old friend by chance on the street. Having a new acquaintance say "I know exactly what you mean!" The more I travel, join online communities, and buy into the global economy, the more I'm technically connected to other humans. I have a nice long list of contacts and a healthy Linked-In network. But am I really connected?
Read MoreGreat Day for UP!
My older son likes the book by Dr. Seuss called Great Day for Up! which is full of cheerful chatter about who is up and what great things can be done with the day. I've always found the book slightly annoying in it's "morning cheeriness," which grates against my decidedly non -morning personality. That personality is about to be tested again as my son started pre-K today, and the unstructured summer days are gone. You "morning people" know who you are, and I wish often that I could join your ranks.
Read MoreHeritage, Community, and Family
Holding my newborn son a couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly struck with the realization that a long-term hole in my heart was no longer empty. It wasn't the "wanting another baby" hole, it was the one shaped like "I want to be part of a community, and know and be known for what role I play." Until my early 20s that hole was filled by my church interactions, but things changed and my role was no longer a clear or satisfying fit for the longing I had. Enter Fynn, and a life with 2 kids, and suddenly I knew my role and feelings as a mother would never change, no matter what happens, and that my role in my immediate family was my most satisfying label.
Read MoreE for Extreme Effort
During the birth of my son 12 days ago, I wasn't exactly focused on the details of the process or lost in analysis. I spent the 10 hours it took in one of two places ... either lost in the intensity of the moment, or thinking about the end result of getting that baby out of there and in my arms.
Read MoreManaging Your Time
Between the rapidly approaching birth of my next child, a friend who is getting married in five days, and clients tackling various priority and scheduling issues, it feels like its time to talk about time! I met a man at a party on Memorial Day who was quite emphatic that in this country (and NYC in particular I think) we’ve lost sight of the ideal time-management equation. He declared that the best scenario was eight hours each of work, sleep, and relaxation should make up your day. While I stood there and mentally computed all the things that must then fall under the category “relaxation” in my life, I did have to concede that he had a point. How do we spend our time?
Read MoreMemories
Last weekend, I had the privilege of getting together with my parents, siblings, and their families. As with any reunion, it generated various “do you remember” discussions, and I began to notice how varied our memories were of very specific events. What makes us remember some things and have no recollection of others? What are memories for anyway? What do we do with the bad ones?
Read MoreRenewal : Shedding : Peeling
Spring is finally here (in my corner of the world at least) and I’m more than ready for it! I stared in denial at the enormous flakes of snow flinging themselves past my window this morning, and am relieved to see that it’s gone already. The tulip tree and pansies are still standing, and even look a bit fresher than yesterday. I always find that spring makes me itchy, in an enjoyable sort of way. I have the urge to clean, throw out, rearrange, and generally turn everything inside out. This year it’s compounded by being 6 months pregnant, so the ‘nesting’ urge is added to the fray. So renewal ... making new again.
Read MoreSetting Boundaries
For those of us with kids, that term has all kind of connotations associated with it. In parent-speak, it’s defining the limits of where, when, and what your children are allowed to do. Setting limits until they learn to set them for themselves. But do we ever learn? I’m beginning to wonder.
Read MoreCatalysts for Change
I received a request last week from a former classmate/colleague of mine that really struck a chord with me. Nate is a design expert, and evangelist for innovation and change. He recently submitted a proposal to write a manifesto at www.changethis.com, and asked me to vote for it so that it will have a chance to be published. I’m often skeptical about such requests, but trusting Nate not to waste my time, I clicked over and read the following ...
“Disasters make change. They particularly defined 2005, from the Asian Tsunami to Hurricane Katrina. They galvanized attention and simultaneously provoked a drive for innovation, whose essential value is betterment .... Bottomline: They incite change. What lessons are afforded by disasters to innovators? This manifesto aims to provide these essential, and reoccurring, truths that contribute to the quality of not only things, but also people and places. Disasters displace, but what is never displaced is the need to make life better. This need, whatever the scale and wherever the setting, is shared by all of us, who possess the power to innovate.”Read More
Carolinda and the Captain
Well, what’s your story going to be this year? Are you writing one or reading one? Or maybe just looking at the cover and wishing you had the time to read? I’ve come across many little clues in the last month that are pointing me in the now direction. What do I mean? Life is now, not when I get my life ‘together’. There is joy possible in every moment. What are you waiting for? Next year?! It’s about the choices we make every day, every morning, every moment. What do I Accept? Do? Want? Feel? They’re my choices, and in front of me all the time.
Read MoreIn the Rear-view Mirror
We had good friends over for dinner a couple of weeks ago that we hadn’t spent any quality time with in several years. It was so good to catch up, enjoy memories, and find out what was new! One question I was asked was “what’s the most significant thing going on in your spiritual life?” Not exactly the kind of question with a ready-made answer, and I took awhile to form my thoughts (and even longer to share them). Don’t you find that digging for answers or sharing a single memory can touch off a landslide of thoughts, feelings, and remembrances? It certainly does for me, and in answering my friend’s question I found the thoughts coming faster than I could convey. My final answer? I realized that walking away from a group that was acting selfishly and bitterly does absolutely nothing for me if I’m acting selfish and bitter myself. Rather simple point, but a profound one for me.
Read MoreAlone Time
I’ve been meaning to write for months on a pet subject of mine ... getting time alone. Perhaps I focus on it more than some, having a husband and small child and living in NYC, but I do think it is a very common issue. You may have more of it than you’d like, but for almost all of my clients, there’s never enough. I believe there are two kinds of time that are vital to my sanity, and it took me 30 years to figure that out. What are they? Solitary time and Alone (responsibility-free) time.
Read MoreBall Bearings and Claws
At a friend’s birthday party last week, I ended up watching an old Peter Sellers movie called The Party. Full of fumbles, sight gags, and awkward moments, there comes a point where the main character is attempting to repair a toilet he just broke, and gives a tug on the roll of toilet paper. It promptly starts spinning at an alarming rate and empties the entire roll onto the floor. Someone else watching the movie with me made the comment “they don’t make ball bearings like that anymore!” Pair that with the Ellen DeGeneres comedy routine where she refers to the claw that you have to contort your hand into when trying to retrieve a shred of toilet paper from those jumbo commercial dispensers, and no matter what you only get 2 or 3 squares at a time. There you have a lovely pair of examples of the extremes of momentum.
Read MoreBefriending the Red Herring
A friend of mine recently wondered if there was actually such a thing as a red herring, and did a Google image search to see one. What he turned up first was the painting you see here, Befriending the Red Herring by L. Kelen. He was so entranced and amused by the whimsey that he promptly purchased it. I don't know what the artist intended, but think the image makes a great point. Have you befriended any red herrings lately?
Read MoreFollowing Your Intuition ...
While waiting for an appointment yesterday, I picked up a book in the waiting room. It was entitled "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell. I was thoroughly engrossed by the time the woman I was meeting with showed up, and had to tear myself away. The premise of the book was that we have the ability to make instant decisions "in the blink of an eye" that are good, accurate, and valid ... based on information that we're not conscious that we've collected and processed. The idea caught my attention, and meshed well with the things that percolated in my head while away on vacation last week ... about living fully in the present, rather than planning, plotting, or worrying about the future for much of my day.
Read MoreFinding Your Motivation
When was the last time you felt really motivated? That feeling of wanting to do something so badly that everything else could wait as you focused on accomplishing your goal? I had one of those experiences a couple of weeks ago when I decided, at the last minute, that the best possible gift for a baby shower the following day was a handmade baby quilt. Everything about the project appealed to me that day ... cutting and handling the silk, piecing it together, making something tangible that would be loved and enjoyed, and being creative. What was my motivation? It came from many things ... the desire to create, avoiding shopping with a cranky 3-year- old, watching the budget, the love of silk, love for the woman who I was making it for, and a distinct lack of time. What I didn't do was focus on all the reasons it was an impractical, crazy, or exhausting idea. I felt great!
Read MoreIf You're Happy and You Know It ...
My son was watching a Richard Scarry video this morning as I was doing my usual rushing around, getting ready to leave the house. He's watched it countless times, but I've never managed to sit through the entire thing. This morning one song caught my attention, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands", which I sang many many times as a child in Sunday School, and always followed with "If you're happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it ..." In the version I heard this morning, the first verse was followed by "If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet", which made me pause a moment. I muttered to my husband, "Since when do kids need to be taught to stomp their feet when they're angry?"
Read MoreRested
What do you think of when you see that word? Envy? Vague nostalgia? Familiar comfort? When did you last feel truly rested, and woke up feeling recharged, content, and ready to enjoy the day? If you're having trouble remembering, then read on.
Rest is more than just going to bed at a good hour. Read More