I’ve been trying to write all week. It’s not been successful, and now is a bad time to write as the boys are ready to start the day (don’t ask!), but I’ll give it a shot. At least until they start killing each other.
I wasn’t quite ready for the new year, but I don’t really have any other options other than continuing to go about my daily business, ready or not. Homeschooling started off pretty well, meaning the boys were more than ready to start some work again, and are having a good time with it.
I came up with a few new tricks which seem good to add to the arsenal. Fynn did all his work in the bathtub yesterday, writing his letter of the day all over the tub walls, and counting out tub toys in batches of 6. He came out clean and happy, and it left Douglas free to do some reading work without his brother breathing over his shoulder, or bouncing on the bed next to him. He loves to read curled up on our bed, the most comfy place really as we don’t have a couch in our part of the house (I’ll get to that in a minute, it’s the reason for the title of this post).
I also had Douglas teach Fynn about the calendar year, and it was a great way to test his knowledge on it, which has always been a little sketchy. Douglas went to daycare when he was 3 and 4, for only 2 days a week. It took me a couple of years to realize that’s why he had such trouble with the days of the week, as he was only getting Monday and Thursday reinforced! The rest were pretty irrelevant. Time and dates in general aren’t of interest to him, he’d much rather be taking something apart or reading, and stopping only when he’s so hungry he can’t think anymore.
Speaking of hunger, I better wrap this up so we can get outside before lunch. So, Whistling in the Dark. I made that the title of my Steam Whistle New Year’s clip, for obvious reasons. It’s an apt title for my true resolution for this year though too. I’d like to be whistling, while I’m feeling stuck here in the dark. I’m tired of waiting for clarity about when/where we’re going to move. I’m tired of having to rent out our front room to housemates, just to make ends meet. We’re in between housemates right now, and it’s sweet torture to have the brightest/nicest room in the house to ourselves for a few days, but we give it up again on Monday. The boys are in there reading right now, and the silence is golden.
I’m kind of in a dark place too with the self-therapy thing I have going on, reading a really good book on what “life traps” I’ve fallen into, and ways to shift my defaults away from some self-destructive habits. It takes time and mindfulness, but it’s making me much more aware of why I avoid some things. I’m finding it a lot easier to do some of those things now, like saying something I think might disappoint someone, or make them feel judged. Stuff like that. It’s dark, but good. I just can’t forget how to whistle. To find the little joys, and make a tune out of them that keeps me humming to myself, and hopefully whistling to those around me. I’ll have to if we’re going to survive the winter without eating each other alive!