Here we are, another Friday, and I’ve not posted all week. Can’t say why really. Some of the things running through my head though, for your random pleasure …
Am I hitting the edges of menopause, God help me, and if so am I really really done having kids? Hm? Really? Not 100% sure, but close, still that shred of doubt makes me wonder if and when I’ll regret it. I really don’t know. Logic and practicality says no way am I ever having another, but it’s not all logic and practicality now is it? Maybe it’s just hormonal meanderings in my mushy brain.
Speaking of mushy brains, mine’s not been up to par lately, I’ve had more trouble focusing on what’s in front of me, and though I’m taking some supplements and stuff I’m not sure if it’s just February doldrums (yes I know it’s March now, but shhhh, I haven’t made a March banner yet and won’t likely get to it for a few days so I’m pretending … ) or something else. It’s not major, but I’ve lacked my usual energy for awhile now.
Speaking of March, my eldest enters into the double digits on Sunday, and that has me all in a bit of a tailspin as to how on earth I got here, and is this life, and these kids, really mine? Just one of those how-did-I-get-here weeks, and yet the love I have for my boys, all of them, seems to have skyrocketed suddenly. Beats me why, but I’ll take it … they’re amazing me with pretty much everything. I’m not so comfy with the warm fuzzy thing, but figuring out how to express it is pretty important, and back scratches (which they all love to death) have started happening a bit more frequently for starters.
Speaking of 10, which D will be in two days, there is a passel of boys headed here tomorrow night for a sleepover, and I’m fretting over GF vs non GF snacks, how much they’ll consume, and whether or not they’ll find enough to do. That last bit is a silly notion, because I don’t doubt that the’ll all have a blast and not need any custom activities or entertainment. Just because I can’t see/plan it I of course have to worry.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about D’s namesake the last week, who happens to be pictured above. This summer will be 12 years since he died, but I think I’m belatedly processing some things that I didn’t let myself feel at the time as his death was just 7 weeks before our wedding, and senseless. He was to be the best man. I miss him, and perhaps my D turning 10 is making me think about it all a bit more? I’m letting the feelings wash over me, rather than stuffing them in, but it doesn’t make for very hot blog post writing.
Happy Friday, and may your weekend be a smooth one!