Where do you find your fellowship?
Building Community
Holding my newborn son a couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly struck with the realization that a long-term hole in my heart was no longer empty. It wasn't the "wanting another baby" hole, it was the one shaped like "I want to be part of a community, and know and be known for what role I play." Until my early 20s that hole was filled by my church interactions, but things changed and my role was no longer a clear or satisfying fit for the longing I had. Enter Fynn, and a life with 2 kids, and suddenly I knew my role and feelings as a mother would never change, no matter what happens, and that my role in my immediate family was my most satisfying label.
So what about the other categories like your nationality, traditions, neighbors, friends, and coworkers? How do they all fit together? Do you feel any missing pieces? Where do you find your fellowship? How do you label yourself?
Aside from being human, I've chosen three broad categories, starting with the broadest label of heritage. For many, this means nationality. During the recent World Cup soccer finals, national pride was at a fever pitch ... even for many who rarely choose to identify themselves by their nationality. Here in NYC, many choose to blend their nationality with their community, finding fellowship in the same neighborhoods as others who speak the same language, and share the same culture and traditions. For others, their primary heritage may be their religious roots (like mine) or their family business or skills that pass from one generation to the next.
The next category is community. This means more than just your neighbors next door, it's your own personal set of connections, friends, coworkers, and even family ... whomever you interact with regularly as part of your world. Thanks to travel and the internet, my active community includes friends who live in other countries, though I don't see them often. I rely on them for support and fellowship, though my local community is growing as I get to know more people in my own neighborhood and city. Apart from geography, communities build around central ideas, beliefs, and causes. You are the center of your own community ... what are you building? Community is the one category that we have the most control over, and has the most choices. It can also be the most satisfying in terms of finding fellowship.
Family ... probably your smallest label, and often a difficult and emotionally charged one. I had a friend refer recently to a discussion with her daughter over something that "my friends are allowed to do, why can't I?" Her mother's reply was "well, we are Smiths, and Smiths don't do that." She was reinforcing the family label, which may or may not be claimed by her daughter as she grows up. Family often includes more than blood and committed relationships, and encompasses anyone we choose to give that label (and the related priviledges and responsiblities) to.
My final question (and the one that I started with) ... what fellowship are you missing in your heart? If your heritage or your family doesn't fill it, what community can? What faith? What relationships need creating or nurturing? At my core, I just completed the emotional shift from "I go to xyz church and depend on it for my sense of belonging to a community" to "I am Douglas and Fynn's mother, and am building a family with Michael and my own relationship with God." A satisfying answer to a long-term "hole," and one that paves the way for me to keep building my own community and finding more fellowship.