I put up a post about a year and a half ago that was just a link to a news article that caught my eye. The subject was women who wish they’d never had kids. The part that caught my eye was about how unprepared we often are (I certainly wasn’t aware!) for the psychological aspects of the shift to motherhood. How our identities change, how we deal with what we have to change or give up or rework, and the complexities of our self-image as it relates to our kids. It’s tough! I certainly don’t wish that I’d never had kids, though I do have my brief moments of wondering what it would have been like without them. It takes about 2 seconds flat for me to feel empty and a bit adrift. I can’t envision life without them, nor do I want it.
What I’m finding hard to is the amount of hits I’m still getting on that old blog post (it’s a lot!, and is at #1 on google for “wish i never had kids”), and what some people are saying in the comments. It’s hard to read about the emptyness, anger, resentment, and betrayal that many moms feel. It’s not something you can change, you’re a mom for life! But what do you do if you feel so despairing? How do you cope? Find help! Some moms have it infinitely harder than I do, and the less support you have the more challenging it is. I started this site because I found it difficult to adjust, but not so hard that I wanted to give it up.
SaneMoms is about finding your way through the shifts of parenting and striving to remain intact. Carving out bits for yourself, keeping your relationships alive, finding support, knowing you’re not alone, and having a place for ideas and open ears when you’re having one of those days. That post has become an I’m Not Alone place for many moms, and I’m glad for that! They’re certainly struggling with the A - Accept Your Life part of BREATHE, and I often do too. It’s not exactly easy. Happiness is pretty elusive without it however, and I personally need God’s help to accept all of my life, not just the fun bits. I pray for peace for those who find it overwhelming to the point of wishing it away, and suggest finding a counselor, therapist, church, and/or confidant who can support you in your struggles.
The article (by Lucy Beresford) ends with this:
Not all women are cut out to be mothers. I know; I interviewed some for my novel Something I’m Not. But many go ahead with pregnancy, hoping that ambivalence will be annihilated during labour by a love-bomb of hormones. And for most women, this will happen. Those for whom it doesn’t deserve our understanding and encouragement to get the right help. More than their life depends on it.
So true.
As for other stats, I know there are more than 3 of you with chore issues, fess up!
Happy Friday :).