I don’t know why I do it. I procrastinate, and I do it daily. I’m always behind, running late, just missing the bus, hurrying the kids, feeling guilty about that tucked-under-the-pile project that never gets air … the list goes on. I’m not sure if I’ve always been this way, I really can’t remember. I know I’ve never been the first one out the door, but my memories of rushing only go back to high school. That probably means I always have been this way, and once my mom stopped cajoling me to get moving, I’ve been the late one.
Today for example. I wanted to sleep in a wee bit, having gone to bed (for the 5th day in a row) after 2am. I was exhausted, my husband had to get up and leave by 7 to catch a train, and I expected to prod him when his alarm went off, give him a sleepy kiss 20 minutes later, and sleep till 9 as the boys had been up till almost 11 the night before. Husband overslept, Douglas woke at 7, and the day went downhill from there. I kept trying to snatch another 10 minutes, breakfast dragged out, lunches hadn’t been made, and our playdate in the park with folks we hadn’t met was in jeapordy before we rushed out the door. Yes, we missed the bus by 20 yards and never saw another one on our 1.5 mile walk to the park. I procrastinated on getting up, on making breakfast, on looking up directions, and on making lunches to take.
I did it yesterday too, in that I *finally* spent the 3 hours it took to write up a document my clients have been asking for for the last 3 months or so. Something I’ve wanted to do, but just let it languish and never managed to make it a priority. It felt great!! Perhaps that’s it though. Procrastination shows me what my real priorities are. I want to do it all, so I do very little of it. I imagine I can cram it all in to that 15 minute window, and on those rarified days of the magic speed dance I really do cram it all in. The rest of my life? Not so much, just the feeling like the gears are stuck and I should be crusing at 70 but I’m not so I might as well take all the detours and pick up the hitchhikers while I’m at it. Then I blame them for not getting my work done.
I’ll always be the late one, the last-minute one. I don’t really see that changing, but perhaps my caring about it can be ditched? We got to the playdate late, found out it really didn’t matter one smidge as they were hanging out for several hours, and we had a great time. Some day I hope to take to heart that quote by Annie Dillard (thanks to Erin’s blog over here) that said:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
Wise words for a Thursday! Now I go to crash early, attempting to nick my cold in the bud as I have two days until my first race of the season, and running sick really sucks! Goodnight all :).