This might range all over the place, but bear with me. First off, it’s rather obvious that honesty is better than lying, especially in the long run. We’re going through a time with my eldest where he’s tried lying to cover things up, and it’s backfired in several cases. He’s finding that hiding the lies is harder than bearing whatever consequences there are for telling the truth. Whether that lesson sticks or not is up for debate.
Trust goes out the window when lying starts, and it’s a super hard thing to win back. Friends you can’t trust aren’t likely to be your best buddies, you want to know the truth and you want to trust that you’re hearing it. Truth + love is a strong combo.
In the spirit of truth-telling, I think it’s clear that I’ve not been in the best of moods lately. I’m struggling with the lack of daily alone time, and can’t seem to find a way to fit it in. Working from home + homeschooling is not an ideal situation, especially when I’ve no way to close a door on my work. I’m gearing up for marathon training again (Nov 7th in NYC!) and that means running has to be part of the picture. It goes a long way towards keeping me sane anyway. Then there’s the usual household stuff of cooking and cleaning and all that, which I almost exclusively handle. I can’t seem to fit it all in, and I don’t know what to give up. I want to keep homeschooling, as it works brilliantly when I’m not trying to fit work in. When we agreed to do it, the assumption was that my husband would pitch in here and there with a half day, as he’s a freelancer and rarely does he have full-time work. So far he’s had one day off since I started, and that’s helping with the finances but I’m burning out when I can’t get it all done. I love doing things for other people too, it’s extremely enjoyable, but I think I have to start saying no sometimes. That’s much easier said than done, as it’s rather tied up in my self image.
I’m digging at some deeply rooted stuff, which is driving a lot of my frustrations. It’s not just circumstances, there are some underlying assumptions on my part about life and expectations and responsibilities that I can’t quite put my finger on. Writing my morning pages has stirred some of them up, and that’s a good start. Being the analytic that I am, it would be handy to have it neatly labeled and ‘solved’ so that I can move on, however I doubt it’s any where near that neat of a package.
Enough about me, and I’m sorry but I had to put that out there today. I’m just keeping it honest, and if I miss a post here and there it’s because I’m overwhelmed and I have to cut back somewhere to keep my sanity. This is sanemoms.com after all, and it’s just as much about the insanity as it is about taming it!