Keeping it real

I had a crappy day today.  It wasn’t anything in particular, but rather a venting of pressure from some things I’ve become aware of but haven’t yet found a way to change.  I’ve done a ton of journaling in the last 6 months, had a few very vivid dreams about my life path, and have pinpointed some specific things I’d like to change my perspective on.  Another way of putting that would be “I’m therapist hunting, and options are limited with a miniscule budget.” I haven’t felt very sane at all, with piles of riled up emotions looking for an easy outlet.  One friend challenged me tonight to write my next newsletter on being an InSane Mom … not a bad idea! 

You know how it goes when you have something simmering emotionally, and it infuses everything?  I become preoccupied and a lot less patient (which is kind of hard to do in the first place), so of course my kids react to that and their behavior swings wildly into the annoying-hyper-whiney category.  I react, they amplify it back, and we have that lovely swirling eddy of a day going noisily down the drain.  Slurrrrrrp.  Sigh.

I see myself very clearly headed towards these impasses, but get stuck in the rut and we all suffer for it.  However, the boys are sleeping peacefully, I’m off to sit in the stoop and commune with a friend who’s stopping over, and tomorrow is another day.